Shawn Johnson, retired Olympic gymnast, recently had a baby girl in October. After having her baby, she made a post on Instagram that stuck with me. And it stuck with me hard. She made a promise to her husband that he would always be her #1. Even with their new baby in their life, her husband will come first. Their new baby? …She will now be THEIR #1. I loved this.
There’s a lot to fear bringing a new baby into the world, but I don’t think enough people talk about the fear of losing their spouse. Not because something bad has happened, but simply because a new baby has taken priority. I would be lying if I said I don’t fear this. For as long as I can remember, I have wanted to be a mom. I credit my own mother for this; watching her give up so much for all four of her kids for so many years. Still today, even though we are all grown adults, she lives for us. I envy that, and pray that I can be the kind of mother she is.
Meeting Jake, marrying him, and becoming one, kick started my dream as a mother. I’ve written about this before, but I thank God that Jake and I have been on the same page about having a family pretty much since day 1. Most men aren’t like Jake; being okay with settling down at such a young age. Within the last four years of knowing my husband, Jake has always been my priority, naturally. We can spend an endless amount of time together and truly NEVER get annoyed or argue. We have picked up our lives together to move to different cities, spontaneously taken vacations, and simply just always been focused on only each other. But any day now, we will have a new focus. Our date nights with a glass of wine will turn into sleepless evenings with bottles and breast milk. Our lazy Sunday mornings laying in bed until 9am will turn into early wake ups with a hungry, crying child. Now don’t get us wrong, we have WANTED this. We PRAYED and cried about wanting this so badly. With change though inevitably comes a little bit of sadness. Change is good. Change is also hard though.
Without getting too sappy or personal, I wanted to write an open letter to my husband… before he becomes a dad:
To my Husband,
With nothing but BABY talk the last 9 months or so, I want you to know that I haven’t forgotten about you. And I promise to never forget about US. I am so anxiously awaiting for the very moment you get to tell me if our baby is a boy or girl, and I am constantly dreaming about seeing you as a Dad. With that being said, I want to soak up every minute until that day comes. I want to cherish our date nights out, falling asleep on the couch while watching 90s sitcoms, our car ride conversations, cooking-dinner conversations, and our late night-laying in bed laughs. On our wedding day, I promised to never forget the little moments from when we first started dating, and I stand by that promise still. I promise to never forget the last 18 months of being newly married, just us.
You are going to be the best Dad. If Baby Hilgy is a girl, she will be wrapped around your finger from the second you see her. She’ll convince you to play “tea party”, and you’ll be the first man she will love. If Baby Hilgy is a boy, I can already imagine the Saturday morning fishing trips, and Summer night rounds of “catch” after dinner. I knew long before this pregnancy though that you would take on the title of Dad just fine. In that sense, marrying you was so easy. I didn’t have to worry about my future or my kids. I knew, and still know that you will be the ultimate protector of our family. How lucky are our kids to have you?!
Thank you for loving me hard during the last 9 months… even during the times I wasn’t so lovable. Thank you for keeping me calm during the scarier times, for peeling all of my oranges during this third trimester (HA!), and simply just making me feel beautiful… even when your size large tshirts are looking a little tight. You have been my biggest answered prayer, and I can’t imagine starting this new season of life with anyone else.
I promise you’ll always be my #1. Baby Hilgy though… Baby Hilgy will be OURS.
I love you! Now let’s go have a baby!!