I’ve had this post in my notes for a few months now. I didn’t know when or if I would ever actually publish it. It hovers over a heavier topic, making it a bit harder for my words to come together. As a type-A perfectionist; I struggle clicking publish when my thoughts don’t seem to be flowing effortlessly. I decided as imperfect as this post is though, I want to share my thoughts anyways. As a new mother, maybe you feel the same as me. Please forgive my repetitiveness, my lack of fluidity, or any words that may not align with your opinion 100%. I say it often, “I‘m doing the best I can.”
Motherhood has changed me. Since the moment I saw two pink lines, I have worried and prayed more than I ever have in my life. For 9 months I carried a baby inside of me and worried every single day if he was doing okay, and if I was giving him enough. During delivery, an experience like nothing else, I worried for his life. From the moment I held him on my chest, to minutes ago when I kissed him goodnight, I worry.
Since this past summer though, I’ve been facing my biggest worry yet. A worry that most likely will never leave me as a mother…
How do I raise Connor to DO better? How do I teach him right from wrong, and to be kind to every person he crosses? How do I teach him to stand up for his beliefs while also respecting and accepting others? Can I guarantee that he will BE better?
One generation full of deeply loving parents, would change the brain of the next generation, and with that, the world.”
This is not a political post. This has nothing to do with politics. This is about parenthood. This is about the stuff you can’t read in books or blogs. This is about the rawness of facing the reality in our world. This is about waking up and choosing kindness. Showing and practicing acceptance in front of your child. This is about being honest with your kids and giving them the truth, letting them fall down, and then encouraging them to go forward anyways.
It’s easy to take sides and point the finger. But today, I’m not pointing fingers. I think as humans, we can all choose to be better. Today, I choose to take a step back, and focus on Connor. How do I be the better example for Connor?
Raising kids isn’t easy. The lack of sleep, the teething fits, growth spurts, whatever you want to think of… go ahead. But coming from a first time parent, can I say that raising a kid in this last year has been HARD on my heart. I’ll take nap strikes and meltdowns; rather than watching the news about our country crumbling, then rocking my baby to sleep and wondering what will happen tomorrow. I worry.
How do I know I’m teaching my child to be better? I’ll never know.
What I do know? Today, tomorrow, and every day, I’ll choose to raise him kind.